“Give me the gift of laughter, oh, …”
source: Humor in Heaven
Consequence of Shotgun Marriage
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night?”
The husband looks up, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?” he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. “Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. “Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues…”Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years”.
“I remember that too”, she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says… “I would have gotten out today!”
A guy came to his pastor and said, “Reverend, I only have one talent.”
The pastor asked, “What’s your talent?
The man said, “I have the gift of criticism.”
The pastor was wise and replied, “The Bible says that the guy who had only one talent went out and buried it. Maybe that’s what you ought to do with yours.”
source: shotgun wedding humor
The Army of the Lord
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.
source: Christian Clean Jokes
Monday, 26 March 2012
Graduates And The Pencil Parable
MANILA, Philippines — Let me share some thoughts from a homily – abridged due to space limitation – I delivered years ago to 1,300 graduating nursing students of Philippine Colleges of Health Sciences headed by the president, Dr. George Cordero.
“Dear graduating students, I know you are raring to take the nursing board exam and land a job here or abroad. I’ve no quarrel about that. But landing a high-paying job is not enough. You have other commitments to fulfill, and one of these is to live the moral values, which your Alma Mater instilled in you.
“I’m reminded of a young man in the 1980s who graduated at the top of his class. He worked himself in business and became a multi-millionaire in no time. But now he is a fugitive, hiding abroad. Why? Because this man used his intelligence and talents in absconding with over R500 million from certain banks, some of which were so bled dry that they virtually collapsed.
“So it’s not enough to be an enterprising businessman, an efficient nurse, or a well-trained professional. You must also be an honest, morally upright, and God-fearing professional.
“Moral commitment is very important today because of corrupt practices taking place in certain government agencies as well as in business circles.
“You should cherish the moral values you learned in school – honesty, justice, diligence, love for the poor – and hold on to them even when you’re tempted to yield because of the material enticements.
“Another commitment a graduate should have is SOCIAL responsibility. It is a sad commentary that when one graduates, his obsession in life is to pursue a high-paying career without any thought of helping the poor and underprivileged who cannot meet the basic necessities of life.
“You’re blessed because you have parents and relatives who could send you to a nursing school. But did you know that there are thousands of young men and women who cannot attain what you’ve achieved because of poverty? You are what you are because of God’s grace. But remember: ‘To whom much is given, much is also expected.’ (Luke 12,48).
“Finally, you have a commitment to pursue spiritual values. Jesus Christ said, ‘What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but suffers the loss of his own soul?’
“You may graduate as a student but you will never graduate as a Christian, a Muslim, or Buddhist.
“Let me conclude with a parable. Can you see this? This is a pencil. I want you to remember 4 things about it: First, the black writing charcoal is embedded within. Meaning, your goodness and true worth are within yourselves.
“Secondly, you will need to be sharpened as you go through life. Thirdly, you’ll be in someone else’s hand. Meaning, you’ll be under a boss or an employer.
“Finally, you’ll be expected to leave your mark.
“Dear graduating students, out in the world you will be sharpened through life’s trials and difficulties. Likewise, you will be expected to leave your mark.
“May that MARK be a good one. ‘What you are is God’s gift to you; what you become is your gift to God.’
Source: Manila Bulletin
Monday, 19 March 2012
A class reunion is a meeting of former classmates, typically organized at or near their former school by one of the class on or around an anniversary of their graduation. Former teachers may be invited as well. Usually, participants nostalgically reminisce about their old school days, fondly remember their school pranks, and bring each other up to date on what has happened to each of them since they went their separate ways.
Alumni are quite often concerned about how their lives have turned out when compared with the lives of their former classmates, and will sometimes feel pressured enough to go to great lengths to concoct stories about their fruitful careers, personal accomplishments and relationships with others. Some class reunions also include a reunion class gift to the institution.
source: Class Reunion
Monday, 12 March 2012
Productivity growth is important to the firm because it means that the firm can meet its (perhaps growing) obligations to customers, suppliers, workers, shareholders, and governments (taxes and regulation), and still remain competitive or even improve its competitiveness in the market place.
Source: Wikipedia: Productivity
Monday, 5 March 2012
The Pastor and The Choir director
Church feuds are not uncommon. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.
One week our pastor decided to press his position by preaching on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. That Sunday, the choir director led the choir in singing, ‘I Shall Not Be Moved.’
The next Sunday, the pastor preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, ‘Jesus Paid It All.’
The next Sunday, the pastor preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was ‘I Love To Tell The Story.’
The pastor became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang ‘Oh, Why Not Tonight.’
After the pastor resigned the next week, he preached his last sermon at the church telling the congregation that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, ‘What A Friend We Have in Jesus.’
Monday, 27 February 2012
Some organizations prefer to utilize employer branding strategy and in-house recruitment instead of recruiting firms. The difference, a recruiting firm is always looking for talent whereas an internal department is focused on filling a single opening. The advantage associated with utilizing a third-party recruiting firm is their ability to know where to find a qualified candidate. Talent Management is a key component to the services a professional recruiting firm can provide.
source: recruitment wiki
Monday, 20 February 2012
Writing most likely began as a consequence of political expansion in ancient cultures, which needed reliable means for transmitting information, maintaining financial accounts, keeping historical records, and similar activities.
Emotional Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. “What’s the matter?” asked her companion. “Oh dear,” sobbed Auntie, “It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.” “Three feet?” exclaimed her friend. “Surely that’s not possible?” “Well,” said Auntie, “his mother’s just written to tell me he’s grown another foot !”
Monday, 13 February 2012
The infamous D.C. rat population appears to have gained some newfound political clout. Not only did rats prompt, in part, the weekend raid on the Occupy D.C. camps, but the rodents now will be getting their own summit.
Rats most recently made the news when city officials expressed concern about unsanitary conditions at the Occupy D.C. camps at McPherson Square and Freedom Plaza. When U.S. Park Police raided the McPherson encampment Saturday, a biohazard check turned up dead rats among the detritus.
source: D.C. Rat Summit: Another Day in the Sun for City’s Rodents
as a saying goes:
“location, location, location.”
I almost rolled laughing reading the post: Monday Quarterbacking. Really hilarious, lol.